The Spy’s Return from Mobs-Hole in a Coach; with Reflections thereupon. The Diversion he met with on the Thames, Remarks on the Play-House in Dorset-Garden, and the Inhabitants of Salisbury-Court. A Description of a Famous Tobacco-Ship in Fleet-Street. Remarks on White Fryars, with a Poem on the same. A Description of the Temple; with Reflections upon the Sharpers, &c. Remarks on the Motto of a Sun-Dial, and a Song thereupon. A Description of May-Fair.
WHEN our Stratford Tub, by the Assistance of its Carrionly Tits of different Colours, had out-run the Smoothness of the Road, and enter’d upon London-stones, with as frightful a Rumbling as an empty Hay-Cart, our Leathern-Conveniency being bound in the Braces to its Good Behaviour, had no more Sway than a Funeral-Hearse, or a Country-Waggon, that we were jumbled about like so many Pease in a Childs-Rattle, running, at every Kennel-Jolt, a great Hazard of a Dislocation: This we endured till we were brought within White Chappel-Bars, where we lighted from our Stubborn Caravan,with
with our Elbows and Shoulders as Black and Blew as a Rural Joan, that had been under the Pinches of an Angry Fairy. Our weary Limbs being rather more Tir’d than Refresh’d, by the Thumps and Tosses of our ill-contriv’d Engine, as unfit to move upon a Rugged Pavement, as a Gouty Sinner is to halt o’er London Bridge with his Boots on. For my part, said I, if this be the Pleasure of Riding in a Coach, thro’ London-streets, may those that like it enjoy it, for it has so loosen’d my Joynts in so short a Passage, that I shall scarce recover my former Strength this Fortnight; and indeed, of the two, I would rather chuse to cry Mouse-Traps for a Livelyhood, than be oblig’d every day to be drag’d about Town under such uneasiness; and if the Qualities Coaches are as troublesome as this, I would not be bound to do their Penance for the Estates. You must consider, says my Friend, you have not the right knack of Humouring the Coaches Motion; for there is as much Art in sitting in a Coach finely, as there is in riding the Great Horse; and many a Younger Brother has got a good Fortune by his Graceful Lolling in his Chariot, and his Genteel Stepping in and out, when he pays a Visit to her Ladyship. There are a great many such Qualifications amongst our true French-Bred Gentlemen, that are Admir’d amongst our Nicer Ladies now-a-days, besides the smooth Dancing of a Minuet, the making a Love-Song, the neat Carving up a Fowl, or the thin Paring of an Apple.
Pray, Friend, said I, don’t let us trouble our selves how the Ladies chuse their Husbands, or what they do with their Gallants, but consider how we shall get to the other end of the Town; for my Pedestals are so Crippl’d with our Whimsical Peregrination, that I Totter like a Founder’d Horse, or an Old Sinner when his Corns are tender. To which, says my Friend, you have Exprest such a Dislike to a Coach, that I know not which way to get you thither, if youcannot